Blindsided

Go with me on this. There's a definite thought pattern.

This weekend my wife and I saw the move "The Blind Side." A major part of the movie was getting the main character into college. That got me reminiscing about college.

I loved college. It was without a doubt the best four years of my life. What I liked most about college is that you were judged on your potential, not your accomplishments. It was in college where I found my identity as a musician, and it was glorious.

And then I got to thinking about where I am now and my work in Theatre. I never did theatre in school -- I started that fairly recently and it opened up a whole new world for me.

And then I started thinking about when I started to pull away from music and to follow theatre. Now that I'm doing both at the same time, a few things started to become clear to me.

You see, I love performing. I've loved performing when I was a musician and I love it even more with theatre. Considering I have extremely low self-esteem, it's very therapeutic to know I can get on a stage and perform and people will love me. It feeds me in so many ways.

I compared that to being a musician, where you're one of many. You can basically hide with your black jacket, white shirt and bow tie. It's wonderful to be an integral part of a machine, but it's equally wonderful to be a sole performer and not having to share the applause.

This is helping put everything in the proper frame of mind for me. Music is in by blood. I've made music for most of my life and there is nothing that beats the thrill of making music. But I'm also a performer. I need to be in the spotlight. I still want to be the Hot Dog. Though I used to be the Hot Dog as a musician, I don't think it's really possible any more (unless I go solo). But as an actor, I am one of a kind. My instrument is myself, and the art I make is unique to me. This might be why I keep trying to combine the two.

There's an audience for me out there, I know it. I just need to find it, and find out how to present something that is truly mine, be it music, acting, singing or something new that I haven't discovered yet.

Hot Dog, anyone?