Maybe I'm There Already

In my quest to find audition material, I started pulling all of the solo work I've played throughout my Hot Dog years.  I found lots of old gems: Strauss 2nd, Villanelle, En Foret, Beethoven Sonata, Adagio and Allegro, all the Mozarts ...

I found something surprisingly odd when I started playing through them.  They were all significantly EASIER than when I worked on them in college.  I was floored!!  All these pieces I struggled with I was now tossing off like Rubank exercises!

And then it hit me.  Maybe in my quest to regain what I have lost -- to catch up to where I was before I stopped playing -- I've already gotten there?  And what's more, maybe I've gone beyond it?!

What leads me to believe that I haven't is that I lack the "edge" I had when I was in my prime.  My sightreading isn't what it was.  My accuracy is for shit.  But there's something I have now that I never had back then.  I'm thinking it's Maturity.

Sightreading is a skill that needs to be practiced.  I know that.  The accuracy?  Maybe it's because I have a wonky horn?  Or maybe my lip isn't quite where it should be?

But something is for certain -- I'm no longer the player I was.  I'm a new player altogether.  I don't know if I'm better or worse than I was when I was a Hot Dog.  All I know is that I'm finding a new confidence I thought I had lost.  Too bad I'm not doing the Smith Three Contrasts now!!!

So I'll stay the course.  I have nowhere else to go.  And what I like best about it is that this is a part of my life I can actually control.  Love or hate the Horn, it's what I play.  And I'm pretty good.