Always On My Mind

Back when I was a musician (the first time) I always thought about playing. Then, when I was a writer, I always thought about writing. Now I'm always thinking about playing again.

I'm still not in love with the French Horn, but I think about it all the time now. I suspect it's not out of love but out of the need to improve. It's one of my bad personality traits -- if I'm going to do something, I need to be the best. I almost obsess about it until I'm satisfied with the results. And yes, I can be satisfied. Back when I was a Hot Dog, I was on top of the world. Until I achieve Hot Dog-ness again, I won't rest until I'm there.

So I'm always now surfing the Internet for horn tips (thanks, John!) and accessories. I have a picture of my horn at my desk at work. How pathetic! And I live for those Tuesday night rehearsals. It gives my life a new meaning.

And yet, I'm still not in love with the French Horn. I know I'm not playing my dream horn and I'm still struggling with its limitations. I don't think I've found my perfect mouthpiece yet, though my current Laskey is pretty darned good. (For what it's worth, I'm happy with my TrumCor mute!) But my soul still isn't in the groove. Jen, my 2nd-in-Command at Grand Street, is a true Horn Player. She LOVES the horn, it's music and the honor to play it. I envy that in her, and I know that I was once there. But I still think about the Tenor Horn and the Mellophone and how they can play my heart's song so much better than this clunky, uncomfortable and ill-designed coil of tubes.

But I'll conquer that coil. I have to. Why do it if I can't conquer it? But, unlike other overblown goals, I'm enjoying the journey on this one.